When I was sixteen I had a very physical reaction to an emotional event, it 'switched on' a disease that I still have to this day (Ulcerative Colitis & Proctitis but you don't need the details...).
Most of the time now I manage my condition with holistic therapies, keeping calm and eating sensibly but...if I get a real emotional event or issue it hits me where it hurts, literally.
I suspect there are a great many people out there who are suffering from physical discomfort due to emotional issues. Your body takes that emotional energy and directs it to the weakest spot in your body.
If I have a UC attack these days I can totally pin point the emotional event that caused it because with years of experience and a spiritual path I can manage the usual stresses and strains of daily life with no problem, it is the big heart achey hurty emotional events that overwhelm me and attack my body. And even though I know what caused the attack I struggle to regain control because I am dealing with emotions and feelings and those lil buggers are a pain in the butt...
We are all human, we make mistakes and we get stuff wrong...generally I like to think it is just error of judgement that causes upset and hurt to others. But sometimes it does feel as if people are just 'out to get you' or as I personally struggle with - they don't live up to your expectations or how you think they should behave in a situation. It isn't right or wrong, you can't control how people deal with things, but you do have the right to detach yourself from it.
Trust is a huge issue for me, it is a personal code - you put your trust in others, they put their trust in you and you don't let them down. But stuff happens. I seriously struggle when my trust in someone has been broken, it is not an easy thing to regain and I am actually not sure that it ever can be totally, there will always be that little niggling doubt and those doubts and worries if left unchecked can get out of control.
So what to do?
This is much easier said than done, believe me...but you gotta let it go. Re-living situations, re-hashing events, holding onto anger and hate for any person or people is only going to cause you more emotional and by default physical damage and ultimately you will be the one to suffer.
- Talk: If you have someone neutral that is willing to listen...talk, I encourage you to talk, get it out of your system. Not to someone that is going to add fuel to your fire and egg you on (step away from the Jeremy Kyle episode) but somone that will just listen and allow you to pour your emotions out and not judge you or any others.
- Work a little magic. Candle magic is very good for this: You will need two candles, I like to use a black one and a white one but go with your intuition or what you have available. Sit quietly and light the black one, this is to release all the negative emotions, anger, hate, bad feelings etc. Watch the flame and allow it to take those emotions away. If you prefer you can write all the issues on a piece of paper and set light to it from the candle flame and allow it to burn safely in a cauldron. Once you are done with the black candle light the white one. If you have removed negative emotions, feelings and energy you have created a void, you need to fill this with positive thoughts otherwise it will just refill with the icky stuff. Sit and watch the flame from the white candle, think of all the positive things you have in your life, think of all the support you have from friends and family, visualise being free from negative emotions and being healthy and happy. When you are done bury the candle stubs in the earth.
- Cut the ties. We all build emotional threads, cords or ties (whatever you want to call them) with the people that we meet or even those that we are connected to via others, some of these connections are healthy others not so much. Sit quietly and visualise your own body standing in front of you, see the cords that wiggle and float out from your body. If any of those cords seem unhealthy or icky visualise cutting them allowing the cord to dissolve. If you want to break away from a particular person see the cord between your body and theirs and allow it to break and dissipate. Bear in mind that some of the cords that seem negative to you may be connected to those close to you, think carefully before you cut them.
- Binding. On the odd occasion, in extreme circumstances I have worked bindings. I don't recommend using them on a daily basis (you would end up Billy No Mates) but if someone is causing your or your family extreme hurt and upset then it is an option. You will need a representation of the person concerned whether you create a poppet or have a photograph, whatever works for you. Then you literally need to bind it. You could use string, cord, ribbon or I like to use sticky tape. Bind that around the representation of the person. You are not intending to cause them any physical harm. What you are doing is protecting yourself (or your family) from any more hurt and pain. It is a way of stopping them from connecting with you.
- The freezer trick. This one is so easy and works remarkably well. If you are being attacked by a particular person you can put a stop to it. Write their name on a piece of paper and pop it in your freezer. Simples. That's all you need to do, in effect it freezes them from contacting or interacting with you.
Most importantly remember that you are important. It is very easy to get caught up in the drama of others and it is very easy to give support and help to others at the detriment to your own health.
It is OK to put yourself first...sometimes you have to let go in order to move forward.