Wednesday, 6 May 2015

I did it for ME...

I was having a chat with a lovely lady a couple of weekends ago and she asked me about the 'body con' dress and whether it was for an interview or something...I explained that it was a confidence test for me...to give me a bit of a boost...she was surprised that I needed any kind of confidence encouragement....

Yes I can stand up in ritual and use a very loud voice...yes I can stand up in front of a room full of people and talk (or actually waffle and wing it on most occasions) about the Craft but those are things that I am comfortable doing because I am passionate about the subject.

Body confidence and self esteem? Now there is a totally different kettle of fish...

In my youth I was lairy...(really you aren't surprised are you?), I had a size 10/12 figure and always wore fashionable clothes and had the latest hair style...but life changes...as I grew older I became more comfortable in my skin, I found my true pathway and settled into not following fashion and just being ME.   Then children came along and my body shape and size changed...now I am a size 16 which is the curviest I have ever been but I am also the happiest and most content I have ever been too.  But...I am also growing older, parts of my body are no longer in the upright place they should be ahem...and my face is definitely lower than it used to be and has wrinkles...and don't get me started on the grey hair.

Part of growing older is accepting it and becoming accustomed to it but I don't think I am quite ready for that yet, I am still fighting it.  I will be 47 years old next birthday and whilst I don't have a desire to wear mini skirts anymore I definitely don't want to slip into the 'comfortable slacks' just yet.

I want to be a mad hippy kaftan floppy hat wearing batty old woman...(I suspect I am fairly close to that goal already).

It was never my intention to become an author, that happened quite by accident (or fate depending on how you look at it) but now I am 'out there' it has taken quite a bit of getting used to.  If you write books then you need to promote them, no point writing them otherwise...but a big part of that is pimping yourself and that is incredibly uncomfortable.

One of the facets of pimping is to get promotional photographs done, pretty much every magazine or ezine I write for asks for a 'head shot'.  But I have to tell you ... for every one photograph that goes up on facebook there have been 101 photos taken...I have just binned the other 100 because I didn't like them (much to my husband's dismay and comments of "what was wrong with that one, I liked that one").

Yesterday I had a moment of confidence wibble and had a radical hair change, well actually not radical for me because I have always changed my hair - I have had every colour in the rainbow (yes including green...note: khaki green hair is not a good look) and have had every hairstyle going from short & spikey to 80s perms.  I was also blonde for a very long time a few years ago and it was blonde that I went back to yesterday.

People made some incredibly nice comments on facebook for which I wholeheartedly thank each and every one of you, yes it made me feel warm and fuzzy but ultimately I changed my hair to make myself feel better and it worked, I love it and that's the main point isn't it?

I am human and I am certainly no super woman and I need the odd confidence boost, I think we all do and actually why shouldn't we?  It is lovely to be told you look nice or that someone loves the outfit you are wearing.

Changes are good, anything that boosts your self esteem is good, but ultimately the choices you make about your look, size, shape, style and anything else related to you must be YOUR choice, do what makes YOU feel good ♥


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