Time...

This past weekend has made me think a lot about time...and how quickly it seems to pass.

Our youngest turned nine and it seems like no time at all since he was a teeny baby - where did all those years go to?  Our eldest is now a teenager...the births of both our children seem like they only happened yesterday...

But the real 'time turner' for me was photographs.  Part of being an author and being one that is contracted to a smaller publisher and not being of the JK Rowling ilk is that you are required to do a lot of marketing and sales yourself...well you don't have to but if you don't...you don't sell any books and what is the point of writing a book and then not selling any?  It is a hard part of being an author and is really a bit like pimping yourself...

However having a hubby who works with graphic design helps...

So...this weekend we took some promotional photographs (NO...not that sort!!) to use to update my website.

Our neighbours must think we are total loonies as I pranced about our back garden in various outfits (including a bowler hat) whilst hubby did his David Bailey thing...

We ended up with over 200 photos...which then involved us sitting and looking through them all on the laptop...thank goodness for digital cameras.

The scene that followed went something like this:

Hubby: "I like that one and that one and that one, ooh that's a good one, oh that one is sexy,  nope that one is over exposed and that one is blurry"
Me: "I don't like that one my bum looks big, I don't like that one I am all squinty, I don't like that one I look grumpy, I don't like that one you can see huge bags under my eyes, I don't like that one my face is all saggy, I don't like that one...I look old..."

Out of 218 photos I only approved 5 of them...

And that was the crux of it...OLD...

This month I will turn 46 years of age.

Just recently it has hit me that I am no longer twenty...and you know what?  Initially the thought is that it totally sucks.

I have been through the 'my hair is going grey...actually it's going white' scenario and decided that I am not ready to be au natreul yet.

I have accepted that my figure is no longer a size 10 (actually I wouldn't want it to be) and I am learning to embrace my curves.

But the face...that is the real teller of time.

Yes I have wrinkles around my eyes and yes my face is somehow much lower than it was twenty years ago (how does that happen??) And yes I know...it happens to us all...but accepting it and being comfortable with it is a whole other kettle of fish.

I could not and would not ever have plastic surgery, that's my choice and I wouldn't do it (apart from the fact that I couldn't afford it!).

So I am left with the challenge of accepting that my face is ageing along with my body, but it's hard.

I do make an effort, I always have.  You won't often find me without any makeup, I don't wear a full face of slap every day but I always wear a little.  I always do my hair, keep it washed and tidy.  I always make an effort with my clothes even if I am just around the house.  Twenty two years of being with my husband and I still make sure I look nice for when he comes home from work and I always make an extra effort if we are going out anywhere.

But that doesn't stop the ravages of time...

So it's all about mind set, maybe it is the worry of not looking attractive anymore?  I am not sure... I have to accept that it is happening and learn to live with it.  Is there a magic wand to wave to make that happen? Nope, not that I know of.  I have to learn to live with the fact that my body and face are now entering the Matriarch phase and my head needs to accept it, learn to live with it and in fact not only that but to embrace it and celebrate it.  I am not there yet, my head is still lamenting the lost looks of youth (possibly not the 1980s makeup though...) but I will get there...

The photo is me...circa 1987...