Thursday, 27 March 2014

Guilty as charged m'lady...

I stumbled upon a blog post (via facebook) a couple of days ago that summed up a cycle that I keep repeating in my own life, the blog was entitled "Why Good People Feel Guilty" and the first paragraph reads:

There are numerous occasions in which a decision you’re obliged to make carries the unfortunate side effect of hurting someone else. That is, in taking the necessary steps to protect your welfare (personal safety, interests, boundaries, integrity) you may undeniably become the source of another’s woe. Assuming you’re a caring, considerate person, making such a decision will inevitably lead you to experience a certain amount of guilt. This uncomfortable feeling derives precisely from your compassionate response toward the other person’s pain.


Yep I carry guilt - been there, done that, read the book, got the t-shirt...heck I own the t-shirt company...

The pattern has repeated itself for me, I put myself out there with the intention of helping others and then bit by bit I realise I offer to do more, I put my own things aside to take on more for others, I let my own projects take a back seat, I end up being taken for granted, manipulated and used (not always intentionally on the part of others)...and so it goes on in a continual spiral downwards until I find myself forced to say something...which inevitably goes all pear shaped and I end up feeling like the bad guy.

The cycle also includes not speaking up when I should and allowing others to do things or take control of things that I don't necessarily agree with or want to do, but I keep quiet as I don't want to upset people.

Am I to blame?  Yep partly...I should start to say 'no' earlier in the process, I shouldn't get myself so involved, I should only give as much time/effort/energy as I can spare and keep enough for myself, my own projects and my own time.  This is a lesson that I need to learn...I am getting better at it but I feel that as 'giving and sharing' is a big part of my personality that it will be a difficult cycle to break out of.

There is no simple solution and I am pretty sure I am not alone in this cycle, I share this because I want others to know that you are not on your own, this does happen to other people including what possibly seems like a strong and confident character such as myself (read that as bossy and independent LOL).    I also want those that are on the other side of it to stop and think...if this sounds like a familiar situation to you, do you feel that someone has 'let you down'...just take a moment to look at the bigger picture...maybe things aren't quite as simple or one sided as you thought they were...

It will be an ongoing lesson for me...I need to get new 'big girl panties' and start again with the intention of not repeating the cycle... I make no promises, just hope...



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