Thursday 24 March 2011

It's all about me...

Today after the school run, I walked on to my local park and sat, just for half an hour.  I looked at the trees, the plants, the flowers and I listened to the birds.  It was beautiful.

I even discovered on my way out of the park a couple of trees that people had tied ribbons and tags into the branches off, some of them were beautiful colours, some of them were sparkly.  I was surprised.  I live on the outskirts of a city, I never expected to discover trees near me that people had obviously put offerings and wishes in! 

This morning gave me time to think and things to think about, as I sat in the park these words came to me:


 
In the end there is only me
Myself, my thoughts and divinity
No one else knows how I think or how I really feel inside my heart and head

When I got home I thought some more about how I feel:

The process of learning and growing is a personal one.  Others may guide me, show me the way, but ultimately it is my own choice, my own decisions that take me on my path.

Only I can choose the direction, the journey is mine and mine alone.

I make the choices, I make the decisions, I have the power to change my life, my path, my destiny.  That’s a lot of power.

If I let someone else’s words or opinions sway me in a direction I am not comfortable with, I am allowing them to take my power away.

I am not being big headed here, just taking control of what I choose to believe and what choices I make in my life.  Don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for the advice and support of friends and family, couldn’t and wouldn’t want to get by without them.   But there is a point where only I can decide what is best for me.

I am so very thankful that I have my beliefs, my witchcraft and the love, support and guidance of the God & Goddess.   Sometimes though I find myself lost, not knowing which way to turn or what direction to take.  It is as if a small pebble has been dropped into a large lake and I am feeling the effect of all the ripples in every part of my life.  

So how do I get back onto the path?   Ah that’s the tricky part.   I have floundered for some time now, but today feels like a turning point.     I spent some time in my local park, sitting under the trees, listening to and watching the birds.  Re-connecting to nature, to mother earth and all that she nurtures.  The realisation that this is what it is all about.  This is what I have been missing over the winter months perhaps? 

I think it is easy to get stuck into routine, I am no different than many others in the respect that I am a wife, a mother, I work, I keep house, I do the washing, get the dinner etc etc.  All those different hats I wear.  And I do love all of them (well OK, maybe I don’t actually love working or doing the ironing but you get the gist).    Someone, somewhere always needs me to be something to them.  Do I fulfil all these roles well – no probably not as I would hope to, but I try.  I just have to remember to stop sometimes and remember that I am also ME.

I am and always will be a witch, in whatever I am doing.  But I forget this sometimes.  Even in doing the housework I can still be a witch, adding a bit of magick as I clean the house – it’s all rituals in some form or another.

And I think it’s all about the same thing – the search for balance in life.  Do I get the balance right?  Not always, in fact sometimes it feels like an uphill struggle to do so.  But in the end the fact that I am trying is the important part.

It is Spring - time to cut old ties, old habits and move forward with a fresh, new and reaffirmed outlook on life and how I choose to live it.

Tansy
x

Wednesday 23 March 2011

Meditation

I love meditating, but had never been very good at focusing during the day.  I always found I was only able to shut out distractions and really focus inwards when it was dark.  

However, in the past few weeks I have been using more of the guided meditations via my iPod.  Sitting in a large comfy bean bag chair I have in the bay window of my house with the Spring sunshine streaming through the window, with the earphones on and my eyes shut to the world, it has become a favourite way for me to meditate.

Recently I discovered some very good guided meditations by a lady called Marcella Zinner, she is an intuitive counsellor and a clairvoyant.   It's a shame she is in the USA and I am not, as I would love to attend some of her workshops.  I shall have to make do with the meditations!

Her meditation CD has three guided  meditations - one for intuitive development, one to find your spirit guide and one for past life review.  All of them are very good and she has a very calming and pleasant voice to listen to.  She sells the meditation CD from her website, although I downloaded mine from iTunes.

I am always on the look out for guided meditations so if anyone has any they use and love let me know!

Her website is Marcella Zinner 

Tansy
x

Friday 18 March 2011

Dark Night of the Soul

I wanted to share some information I found today regarding what is termed as 'The Dark Night of the Soul', I think this piece explains it extremely well (from the Peaceful Planet website):

The Dark Night

The Dark Night reveals itself as a deeply human process, in which the self, that has until this moment, thought of itself as spiritual and thus impregnable by the abstractions of an average life, is forced to take a second or third look. Sometimes the soul (as personality) must even turn back in opposition to where it believed it was going, in order to retrieve the necessary qualities it overlooked or left behind. Your soul is interested in unifying the whole and will not settle for less. All are subject to the unraveling that is the Dark Night, and even the most carefully crafted and cultivated life is no exception. The spiritually well read and studied and those who have sat at the footsteps of their master for a lifetime or two seem to respond to this natural law with particular harshness, lashing out against others or inflicting the wound upon themselves as the drama inevitably plays out. Although difficult and precarious, the Dark Night is a journey worth undertaking as far as the soul is concerned. One can emulate the journey of the Initiate while the path is broad, but when it eventually narrows, only the true seeker will endure what is asked.

The very thing that brought on the ecstasy so desired by the personality, now offers itself differently; the gift is the same, but is not received so. Spiritual awakenings are the result of the self, choosing to emerge as the Self. They are opportunities to experience reality rather than illusion perceiving itself as real. Imagine an image in a mirror stepping outside of that mirror for the first time and turning to look back upon the reflection it has called itself, can you see how profound the experience might be for the Self, and at the same time how devastating to the smaller self?

The smaller self, unprepared for the experience, perceives only the falseness and insignificance it believes it has lived rather than the grander opportunity that is presented. The distance between the self and the Self defines both the Dark Night and how long it will last. It now falls upon the "seat" of the soul, or the purified heart, to see its way through the dimness of its human condition until it is able to see in the dark and eventually through it. In this state, the self feels every limitation as finite and final, thus losing its power to do or be anything that is creative or original. Cruel as this transition may seem, there will come a time when the soul and the personality will emerge as one, and will know clearly once for always where the hand of God is, as well as what moves It.

The Withdrawal of Spirit

In this New Age, where avatar-like enlightenment and the art of receiving transmissions from Spirit are all too commonplace, the Dark Night often manifests in the removal of that same companionship. Master Spirit Teachers as objective ideas of evolved consciousness have become central points of assistance. When these are withdrawn by the higher laws of Spirit they leave behind a perfumed residue that is all too quickly substituted with an impenetrable wall of obscurity. What could be the replacement for such intimacy and mutual love of and for Spirit? All too soon the thought arises that only that which is unworthy of being loved could so easily be set aside. And there the anguish begins.

For the sensitive and the intuively organized, this spiritual loss is most difficult to bear, the absence more bitter because the presence had been so sweet. This withdrawal is often both personal and impersonal. For instance, if the channel [Pepper Lewis] whose pen now offers Gaia's words were to fall into a Dark Night, it would more than likely silence the pen, as well. Many more than imagined fall into the despair described herein, clinging with unfortunate results to the ego for its supply of conditioned and extorted words. With spiritual contact all but obliterated, the self is left to recover itself as if from the dead. In deprivation, the self returns to its place of innocence and simplicity, sometimes even crying out in child-like fashion not to be forsaken any longer. There the self must begin as if anew, for even those who believe they have nothing still have everything in perpetuity, and this is the very thing they must set about rediscovering. Gods and teachers that flatter the self or the soul are not God enough, which is why a truer sense of divinity often follows such experiences of sadness and privation.

Those who believe themselves most innocent and pure in their thoughts and deeds suffer a different Night. These individuals, self-exiled into perpetual torture, are almost compelled to see a constant parade of less deserving individuals rewarded for every lesser deed. It seems to them that they, who are so deserving of God's love and fortune stand as if in last place, forgotten, fallen and ignored. Dumbstruck by such a turn in circumstances, and in spite of their attempted self-corrections, they begin to think and speak ill thoughts as regards the bounty and resources of others. Overcome by their own bad luck, ill omens and continued misfortunes continue to be their almost daily experience. The more good deeds they perform the more it seems that they fall deeper into the darkness from which they cannot seem to emerge. At this point many will begin to believe that God indeed favors the dark and those who think for and of them selves first. As events turn from bad to worse, their struggle now becomes whether to be as others are, and to receive as they do, or to live ostracized and alone in a world that no longer receives them.

In the Dark Night process, the soul purifies itself through the experience its own imperfections. The soul, accompanied by the personality, revisits every real or imagined sin. Every particle and atom is enlarged to enormous proportion so that no detail can be overlooked. With such distortion the self cannot help but see its wretchedness and its creaturehood. As the distance between self and soul increases, so does the distance between Light and Dark, making the comforts of life little more than abstractions and distractions, both heavily laid burdens upon shoulders now frail and uncertain.

The Perpetual Night

It is human nature to have regrets over the inevitable, to look backward at one's errors rather than forward to the unknown, and to think that good will should be permanent and ill will temporary. It is a greater truth, however, that all things are temporal and temporary. That being said, your Beingness, that which is your soul's presence, is eternal. That which is temporary is an aspect of that which is permanent, but that which is permanent is not as aspect of that which is eternal. It is this truth (also a Universal Law) that the self-personality/Self-Soul forgets during its descent into the Dark Night.

Permanence is detected in that which endures forever or for a very long time. It applies to all that is never-changing or not expected to undergo significant change. Permanence relates to all that is physical. It can apply to Stonehenge, as well as to your physical body. Stonehenge is believed to have been standing for many thousands of years and one can imagine it standing for many more. It seems almost as if it could be a permanent fixture, but as it was purposefully created it will one day be uncreated when its purpose no longer exists. The same is true of your physical body. It seems solid and permanent because it is purposeful in its being. One day when its higher purpose is other than it is today you may choose to surrender it or remake it into another form. For the time being, permanence and purpose have made it yours.

Eternity is a non-physical quality. It is timeless, and therefore unaffected by the passage of time. Your soul is made of this everlasting quality. It is what makes your soul destined to discover its own divinity. One of the paths by which your soul follows its destined journey is through the experience of human incarnation. That which is permanent and that which is eternal have a very unique relationship. Both obey the same laws, one by its physical manifestation, and the other by its contrast. The self and the Self (not lower and higher) obey the same laws, and while the two complement one another, it is often their contrast that challenges humanity most.

This little understood contrast is a contributing factor in the separation that is most often described in the Dark Night process. The soul, recognizing itself as eternal, welcomes the Dark Night as an opportunity to revisit its more insecure experiences. The soul seeks to enhance its journey and sees the Dark Night as little more than a pre-dawn. The personality self, believing its purpose is associated with one lifetime, fears to falter or even to delay. The personality sees the Dark Night as a failed examination, one in which it has been tried and found lacking; it awaits only the earned castigation for its sin, which is no other than human nature.

The Restoration of Light

The Dark Night lasts only as long as there is a perceived sin. If one can see a spiritual awakening as no more than a progression of eternal moments, than a dark night will not last longer than the night itself, do you see? A spiritual awakening is cause to celebrate, but it is not a reward that is given one day (or one year) and then taken back the next. Even so, it is appropriate to adapt oneself to dine sumptuously one evening and to partake of a simpler fare the next. Day moves into night as surely as night moves back into day, and the same could not be truer of your experiences.

Confusion, disarray and anxiety reign when separation is most present. If you are separate from the breath you draw then you will heave upon the in-breath and sigh upon the out-breath. If your awareness is not upon your physical well-being then your body's insistence for nourishment will go unmet, and if you fear that you lack the courage to persist and overcome obstacles, your body will not rest and will not yield to the peace that sleep brings. Emotional stability is the result of the trust one feels for the next moment and the next experience. Depression is the insistent, but unsuccessful demand of the self that it alone is in control. Without the cooperation and recognition of both hemispheres of the brain, equilibrium will remain at an unattainable distance. Spiritual balance will be restored as rigid beliefs dissolve into new possibilities.

The Dark Night of the Soul is a phenomenon associated with spiritual awakening, and should not be feared. A dark night does not necessarily follow or precede a spiritual awakening as either is but an experience of the soul's expansion. Yet beware those who promise a path that journeys away from your own center and to that of another. These experiences all too often result in a different sort of pain and suffering. Be patient as you move through these experiences and surround yourself with those who will grant you the same understanding. Step slowly and gently, as your path may remain obscure during this cycle. Pity yourself if you must, but do not dwell therein. Accustom your eyes to see in dim light that you may assist others in doing the same when asked to do so.

When your current experience returns you to similar moments that seem to have crept right out of your past, acknowledge them as such. Face them directly and honorably. The Sun (son) returns at its appointed hour, and the light will shed its shadow soon enough. When mired in quicksand do not struggle. Yield your density until it becomes buoyant enough to reach the shore; muddied you may be, but defeated not. Your only sin is forgetting the laws by which nature prevails upon the third dimension; these laws apply as well to human nature. The remedy is in remembering, and forgiving where necessary. The Light is never absent, yet shadow often defines it.

Gentle Readers in both body and spirit, these words are for you and for the child within that still believes in a separation that is naught but a fear, but still real, at least to the perception. It is yesterdays old but will locate itself in your today and will attempt to follow you to your tomorrows. Remember that when you forge a new path it is sometimes slow going. That being said, a slower new path is better suited than a worn-out old one that offers no new panoramas or vistas. If lack of direction is a primary concern, then begin with the Valley of Peace. Many have overlooked this oasis on their quest for the quickest path to Shamballa, only to double-back later when its healing meadows were most welcome. Perhaps I will visit you there and we will sit a spell together, as it too is my home.

Tansy
x

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Edward, Jacob & Bella

I watched Eclipse yesterday (not for the first time), I think it is my favourite film in the Twilight series so far.   But why do we all (OK maybe not all, but a whole lot of us!) love these films/books so much?
Is it fantasy, escapism or are we just totally jealous that we are not Bella?  Leaving aside the vampire/werewolf part of the story line, do relationships like that happen in real life?
I am not too old yet to not be able to remember being young, and remembering the all consuming feelings of first love.    Again leaving aside the vampire/werewolf part I have been in Bella’s situation before.  The feeling that you need to be with that person so much, that if you don’t see them ALL the time life will end. In any serious relationship you get that amazingly powerful all encompassing situation at the start. And on occasion being torn between two relationships. And as in Bella’s situation there is always a decision to make, one that will ultimately end up with hurting someone you care about.  And like Bella the decision has to be made for your own sake and no one else.  Every decision I have made in my life, whilst at the time some of them have been very difficult, each one has led me to where I am now and I would not change that for the world.
There is a scene in one of the Friends episodes with Chandler and Monica.  Monica is lamenting the passing of that first passionate stage of a relationship.  Chandler reassures her that, whilst wonderful, that stage then turns into something else, a more solid, steady and amazing stage – one where you trust each other, are comfortable with each other and are in love.  He’s right.
I think we love the Eclipse type stories because whilst it is amazing being in that next stage of a relationship we also try to hang on to that first exciting part too.  Can you have both?  Hmmmm, probably in reality not really, not totally.   Once you are in the next stage comes responsibility, reality, mortgages, children and washing his socks ;-) 
It is difficult to spend 24 hours a day sitting in a flower filled field gazing into each other’s eyes when there is washing to be done, school runs, housework, making the dinner, helping with homework and changing nappies.
Is all lost then? No, I don’t think so.  My hubby and I have been together for 19 years, and whilst he does not have the body of Jacob, but hey I don’t have Bella’s figure either! He is the most wonderful husband in the world.  Yes, I could happily spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with him.  I miss him when he is at work or at a gig.   He is my best friend and I could not imagine life without him. Does he ever drive me nuts? Sure, but then I do the same to him on a regular basis too.  But, he knows how to handle me and that is a rare skill.  
It’s the little things that count.   He does the food shop and comes home with everything on the list and also perhaps a cinnamon bun, or a rice pudding – because he thought I might like it.   A note left on my pillow if he is out gigging.  Text messages when he is out.  MSN messages during the day just to see how I am.   And even though he is not pagan, the total support and encouragement to explore my spirituality. 
Would I like him to ride up on a white charger and whisk me away – of course I would!  But with mortgages and children that’s not so easy to achieve.  So we do the next best thing when we can, grandparents that love to have the children and we go out for the evening, or even on occasion a whole day or two.  Those times are special, but ultimately we always end up talking about the children LOL!
The dynamics change once you have a family, and that in itself is a blessing.  To spend time as a family together is very precious.  You just have to be careful to not become totally ‘mummy and daddy’ all the time and make sure you leave a bit of time to be Edward or Jacob and Bella too ;-)  As in all things in life, it’s about getting the right balance. 
Whilst I lose myself in a film or a book occasionally, would I really want an Edward or Jacob?  (ignoring the fact that I am actually old enough to be mother to both of them…)
In reality no, I can’t imagine Edward would be any use at taking out the trash or changing diapers, and let’s face it Jacob would leave awful wolf hair on the soft furnishings … ;-)
Tansy
x

Thursday 3 March 2011

Fading Friendships...

A lovely friend of mine gave me an old copy of Pagan Dawn to read yesterday.   I really like the magazine, but there was one particular article right at the back that struck such a chord with me, I wanted to share it.

It was the story of a coven that accepted a new member in, she fitted in well and made lots of friends and seemed to be having a wonderful time, then all of a sudden she disappeared.  When tracked down she said she needed some 'time off'. 

Some months later when she bumped into another member of the coven she said she was 'moving on'.  There appeared to be no reason for her sudden withdrawal.

I want to share Old Dorothy Clutterbucks words from the Pagan Dawn magazine on the situation:

She says:

I've seen this happen many times, being on the receiving end myself more than once.  People who seem terribly close at one stage, who we assume will be around till our dying days, suddenly lose interest and wander off.  Not the usual bitchfests too often seen in paganism but friendships ending, in Eliot's words, not with a bang but a whimper.

It's heartbreaking, and we're left wondering if the lovely sentiments were fake, or of what worth love can be if it is so easily forgotten.  Cicero had much to say on the nature of friendship, distinguishing between the purely pragmatic social climbers relationship and the virtuous bond where each wants the best for the other.  Often old friends who supported us when times were bad can be too much a reminder of the weaknesses we want to forget.  Caliban looks in the mirror and doesn't like what he sees.

Emotional investments are not devalued if they later wane.  We have made an impact and been uplifted in return.  Grief can often taint what was good at the time, and make us shy of giving again.  It's difficult not to let it wound us, but we must try.

Wise words, and they really made me think about myself and oh so similar situations I have been in.

Tansy
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