Edward, Jacob & Bella

I watched Eclipse yesterday (not for the first time), I think it is my favourite film in the Twilight series so far.   But why do we all (OK maybe not all, but a whole lot of us!) love these films/books so much?

Is it fantasy, escapism or are we just totally jealous that we are not Bella?  Leaving aside the vampire/werewolf part of the story line, do relationships like that happen in real life?

I am not too old yet to not be able to remember being young, and remembering the all consuming feelings of first love.    Again leaving aside the vampire/werewolf part I have been in Bella’s situation before.  The feeling that you need to be with that person so much, that if you don’t see them ALL the time life will end. In any serious relationship you get that amazingly powerful all encompassing situation at the start. And on occasion being torn between two relationships. And as in Bella’s situation there is always a decision to make, one that will ultimately end up with hurting someone you care about.  And like Bella the decision has to be made for your own sake and no one else.  Every decision I have made in my life, whilst at the time some of them have been very difficult, each one has led me to where I am now and I would not change that for the world.

There is a scene in one of the Friends episodes with Chandler and Monica.  Monica is lamenting the passing of that first passionate stage of a relationship.  Chandler reassures her that, whilst wonderful, that stage then turns into something else, a more solid, steady and amazing stage – one where you trust each other, are comfortable with each other and are in love.  He’s right.

I think we love the Eclipse type stories because whilst it is amazing being in that next stage of a relationship we also try to hang on to that first exciting part too.  Can you have both?  Hmmmm, probably in reality not really, not totally.   Once you are in the next stage comes responsibility, reality, mortgages, children and washing his socks ;-) 

It is difficult to spend 24 hours a day sitting in a flower filled field gazing into each other’s eyes when there is washing to be done, school runs, housework, making the dinner, helping with homework and changing nappies.

Is all lost then? No, I don’t think so.  My hubby and I have been together for 19 years, and whilst he does not have the body of Jacob, but hey I don’t have Bella’s figure either! He is the most wonderful husband in the world.  Yes, I could happily spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with him.  I miss him when he is at work or at a gig.   He is my best friend and I could not imagine life without him. Does he ever drive me nuts? Sure, but then I do the same to him on a regular basis too.  But, he knows how to handle me and that is a rare skill.  

It’s the little things that count.   He does the food shop and comes home with everything on the list and also perhaps a cinnamon bun, or a rice pudding – because he thought I might like it.   A note left on my pillow if he is out gigging.  Text messages when he is out.  MSN messages during the day just to see how I am.   And even though he is not pagan, the total support and encouragement to explore my spirituality. 

Would I like him to ride up on a white charger and whisk me away – of course I would!  But with mortgages and children that’s not so easy to achieve.  So we do the next best thing when we can, grandparents that love to have the children and we go out for the evening, or even on occasion a whole day or two.  Those times are special, but ultimately we always end up talking about the children LOL!

The dynamics change once you have a family, and that in itself is a blessing.  To spend time as a family together is very precious.  You just have to be careful to not become totally ‘mummy and daddy’ all the time and make sure you leave a bit of time to be Edward or Jacob and Bella too ;-)  As in all things in life, it’s about getting the right balance. 

Whilst I lose myself in a film or a book occasionally, would I really want an Edward or Jacob?  (ignoring the fact that I am actually old enough to be mother to both of them…)

In reality no, I can’t imagine Edward would be any use at taking out the trash or changing diapers, and let’s face it Jacob would leave awful wolf hair on the soft furnishings … ;-)

Tansy

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